Internal Family Systems Therapy

I am a level 2 Internal Family Systems (IFS) trained counsellor. IFS helps you turn your attention inward to your thought, emotions, sensations, images, and fantasies- your inner experience. This inner world reveals a system of parts, our mind is not just one but is multiple. You are not crazy if you are talking to yourself or noticing you have sub-personalities inside of you, this is normal.

Focusing inside can be difficult as we are used to focusing on the outside world. Many people don’t know how to go inside and many fear making this U-turn. They fear this because they know inside may lurk upsetting memories and feelings that could overwhelm them, causing impulsivity, change the way to relate to others, and make us vulnerable to being hurt again.

The drive to avoid these memories or feelings from being triggered is controlled by parts of us that keep our attention outward and help to distract, numb or avoid these internal more vulnerable or explosive parts of us.

No matter how hard we try though often the feelings of unworthiness, not being good enough, not being smart or skinny enough, continue to control our thoughts, emotions, behaviours and perception of ourselves.

As an IFS therapist, I help you go inside but not to be overwhelmed by these vulnerable or controlling parts of you but instead to understand and help heal them. I help you connect to your True Self, a central part of you that is compassionate, curious, calm, connected, confident, courageous, creative, and clear. This part of you is accepting, unconditionally loving and full of wisdom.

Although you might not believe this is at the centre of you, you can experience it in IFS for yourself. I help you connect to this part of you and this is where you begin to get to know your internal systems. When your True self makes contact with the parts of you that are in pain, suffering, controlling, critical, addicted, self-harming, angry, sad, etc. it can help them heal and become transformed.

The goal of IFS is never to get rid of a part of you but rather to seek to understand and help it heal and transform into its original state.

Life as a human is not easy. None of us make it out without some kind of trauma be it from our family, school, culture, environment etc. We all take on the burdens of feeling not good enough at certain times in our life. Often these feelings of shame and guilt are too much for a child to bear so parts of us known as exiles hold onto these intense emotions and experiences and are banished to the basement and other parts take on manager roles to help us from not feeling this way. They control our life helping us to avoid certain feelings, places, people, things that might trigger these emotions.

They adopt survival strategies such as people-pleasing to not rock the boat and get in trouble, internal criticism so you are not criticized by others, working really hard to prove you are worthy and good enough but never really feeling it. These strategies make sense when they are created but often do not serve you as an adult. The issue is when you get older and your True Self forms but these parts can stay stuck in the past and do not know you have made it through. This is why when you feel upset or triggered you might find you are responding like a three-year-old or a teenager.

In IFS we aim to go inside and understand and help these different trapped parts of you see you are safe now and your True Self can take away these burdens and responsibilities that were placed on them when they were too young. Suddenly the parts of you that you have been trying to avoid or get rid of become your friends and you experience intense gratitude and compassion for how hard they have worked for so long to protect you. I know this might not seem possible right now but I promise you it is, you just have to trust me to help lead you there so you can feel it for yourself.

Through IFS you learn how to become a compassionate and loving parent to your internal system. No matter what you have been through in life you have the power to heal it. When you understand and connect to yourself at this deep level life becomes a lot more enjoyable and fun. When you have the tools to go inside and help your parts heal nothing becomes too much, too overwhelming, your parts no longer have to fear being alone, hurt or left behind because they have you now.

Each part of you that is burdened carries a gift that is released into your life when it is healed. This approach will walk you into deep self-love and provide you with a path to greater well-being and happiness.

If you feel like you would like to take this journey to your True Self I would be honoured to be your guide. I am passionate about this work and I know you have the power within you to develop Self-Leadership.

Please reach out if you are at all curious about how IFS could help you. I offer a free 20-minute discovery call where we can meet so your parts can determine if they can trust me to help you on your path back to your True Self.

Email me today to set up a free discovery call info@kyliefeller.com.

Internal Family Systems Resources

Books:

No Bad Parts By Richard Schwartz

You Are The One You Have Been Waiting For By Richard Schwartz

Daily Parts Meditation Practice by Michelle Glass

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